


Do you feel any better?

by fakebodies



Category: IT (1990)
Genre: Angst, Kind of Hurt/Comfort, Vomiting, it's sad(tm), nothing detailed but better safe than sorry, to counteract the previous fluff: have this shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 23:41:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12899367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakebodies/pseuds/fakebodies
Summary: The answer is, of course, no. He doesn't feel better. At least Bill would never expect him to lie about it.(originally posted on 2x4swrites.tumblr.com)





	Do you feel any better?

Breathe. All Richie can do is breathe. In and out, slow and steady.

Except it isn’t in and out. It isn’t slow and steady. He’s choking on air, and then he’s vomiting into the toilet, shirt soaked with sweat and tears dripping down his cheeks. He wants to cry out, to sob, to beat his fists against the linoleum floor and scream until he can’t, but Bill is asleep in the bedroom. Richie pushes the door shut with his foot, breathes in once, and vomits again. He needs to stay quiet. When he doesn’t feel like he’s about to puke anymore he lays down on the floor, back pressed against the edge of the tub. He tries to fall asleep like that, shivering, curled into a ball, but he just ends up crying more. He’s a mess.

Richie’s startled awake by the sound of the bathroom door clicking open. He doesn’t know when he fell asleep, hadn’t even realized it, but he must’ve. Bill blinks, tired, not quite at full processing speed yet. When the sight in front of him registers, Bill steps into the bathroom and closes the door behind him, sliding to the floor. Gently, he guides Richie into his arms, Richie leaning against Bill’s chest as Bill holds him snugly. One hand finds Richie’s, entwining their fingers together, while the other goes to Richie’s hair, slowly brushing through it. Richie knows he looks like a mess, that his hair is stringy and his breath must smell disgusting, but that doesn’t stop Bill. He presses his lips to Richie’s cheek and just holds him, until Richie’s ready to talk. Richie squeezes Bill’s hand, twice, and Bill nods.

“It was about… Eddie?”

Richie nods, closing his eyes and taking a slow breath.

“It had him, Bill.”

“I know.” Bill hugs Richie a little tighter.

“It should’ve been me.” Richie says, and his shoulders start to shake. “God, Bill, it should’ve-”

“No.” Bill cuts him off, voice firm. “No. It sh-shouldn’t have been you, or Eddie. It shouldn’t have been a-any of us. Don’t say- don’t say that.”

“He had so much life to live, Bill. I’m just-” Richie takes a shuddering breath, “I’m just telling the truth.”

“Don’t talk like that. P-Please, don’t talk like- like that. Richie-”

“What did he ever do wrong, Bill? What the fuck did Eddie ever do wrong?” Richie grips Bill’s arm, rocking forward as he feels more tears start to fall.

“Nothing, but neither did- did you.”

“That’s bullshit.” Richie squeezes his eyes shut, but he can’t stop crying. He can feel Bill’s hands trembling.

“Beep beep.”

“If anyone deserved to be in that coffin-”

“ _Beep b-beep._ ”

“-it’s me.”

“Richie, _sh-shut.. up._ ” Bill’s forehead is pressed to his shoulder, and Richie can feel tears soaking into his shirt. He hates himself for doing this- making Bill cry, not being strong enough, not keeping this to himself. Bill is shaking too, now, trying to keep his breathing even. He’s doing a better job of it than Richie, not that that’s saying much.

“N-No one- no one deserved to be- b-be buried, no one- not- n-not you, not E-E-” Bill takes a sharp breath.“-not Eddie.”

“Then why did It take him? If he didn’t deserve it-”

“I don’t- I d-don’t know. I don’t know.” Bill shakes his head. “I w-wish I could- could fix this. I wish Eddie had just- just got c-caught in the deadlights and I- I- th-that I w-was the one that- that It killed.”

“Bill…”

“You don’t de- deserve to die.” Bill says, already-quiet words muffled as he speaks into Richie’s shoulder. Richie gently reaches up to brush through Bill’s hair, long and soft.

“Neither do you.”

“D-Do you.. want to go back to bed?” Bill asks, turning his head enough that his voice is clear. Richie shakes his head.

“Do you?”

“Not really…” Bill sighs.

“I’m sorry, Bill. The last thing I wanted was to upset you, and now look at us.” Richie manages a weak smile as Bill lifts his head to look at him. Bill smiles a little back before laying his head down again.

“It’s okay. Do you f-feel any better?”

“No. You?” Richie squeezes Bill’s hand.

“No.” Bill shakes his head. He pauses, frowning as he thinks.

“R-Richie, do you think I- I’m.. bad for a-asking you all to come with me?”

“Nah.” Richie closes his eyes and sighs. “I don’t. Do you think I’m bad for wanting to run away?”

“O-Of course not.”

They fall silent after that, both taking comfort in the presence of the other, until Richie starts to chuckle. Bill lifts his head, frowning slightly when he sees Richie has started to tear up again.

“D'you think when we see Eddie again he’ll be mad we made him worry so much? I mean, look at us- he’s probably freaking out.”

Bill smiles a little.

“I think he’ll just be glad we kept each- each other safe.”

“We will, won’t we?” Richie frowns. “We won’t just drift away again?”

“We won’t. Besides, h-how could I leave someone so- so h-handsome?” Bill manages another small smile, and Richie smiles back.

“You’d be a fool, Denbrough.”

"W-Wouldn’t want to be- be- to be a fool.”

“Can we stay like this tonight?”

“Of course.” Bill nods, kissing Richie’s cheek. “For as long as you- you want.”

“How about forever?” Richie squeezes Bill’s hand, closing his eyes. He feels Bill’s lips on his shoulder, smiling.

“I th-think we can make for- f-forever work.”


End file.
